Saturday, July 29, 2006


I feel like poo today.
I cannot seem to sleep at night. Then, I cannot seem to stay awake during the day. Fun.

I woke up feeling ok, but a little while later I just started to feel...funny. I got really lightheaded, and my lips and the tip of my nose got tingly. It freaked me out so I went to lay down for a bit. That feeling went away, but I still don't feel right.

My heart was beating faster than it normally does too. But that seems to be ok now too.

I have ZERO energy right now. I just feel like a big giant sack of goo.



Friday, July 28, 2006

Rant !!!

This is an article from - my thoughts are plopped in, in various places, bolded and in parentheses....

'Breast' Cover Gets Mixed Reaction

"I was SHOCKED to see a giant breast on the cover of your magazine," one person wrote. "I immediately turned the magazine face down," wrote another. "Gross," said a third.

(Shocked to see a breast? Is this person living in the same country as I am???
Turned the magazine face down? Gross? What? Are these people SERIOUS? Have they seen what is at the checkout line at the grocery store lately?? Half naked people everywhere!! WTF??)

These readers weren't complaining about a sexually explicit cover, but rather one of a baby nursing, on a wholesome parenting magazine yet another sign that Americans are squeamish over the sight of a nursing breast, even as breast-feeding itself gains more support from the government and medical community.
(Sad. Very very sad...)

Babytalk is a free magazine whose readership is overwhelmingly mothers of babies. Yet in a poll of more than 4,000 readers, a quarter of responses to the cover were negative, calling the photo a baby and part of a woman's breast, in profile inappropriate.
(Maybe so, its all a matter of personal opinion. Some people just don't wanna see boobie. I can live with that. But to call it gross? Gross? Gross is seeing someone throw up, or stepping in dog shit..not breastfeeding a child...)

One mother who didn't like the cover explains she was concerned about her 13-year-old son seeing it. (She should not take him to the Mall. Those Victoria Secret Ads get larger and larger every time I am in there. At our mall, they have MURALS..they take up WHOLE walls. Half naked women everywhere..Oh and dont forget about all those Calvin Klein ads and Abercrombie ads in the mall too, that have enough innuendo to satisfy that creep behind that large planter over there in the corner!!)

"I shredded it," said Gayle Ash, of Belton, Texas, in a telephone interview. "A breast is a breast it's a sexual thing. He didn't need to see that."
(No, you dumb ass, a breast is a BREAST. Unfortunately we live in a stupid, fucked up society that makes EVERYTHING sexual. You cannot even see a commercial for TIRES for your car without it being sexualized. It is pathetic...)

It's the same reason that Ash, 41, who nursed all three of her children, is cautious about breast-feeding in public a subject of enormous debate among women, which has even spawned a new term: "lactivists," meaning those who advocate for a woman's right to nurse wherever she needs to.

"I'm totally supportive of it I just don't like the flashing," she says. "I don't want my son or husband to accidentally see a breast they didn't want to see."
(This one sent water spraying out of my nose. You show me ONE son or ONE husband that DOESN'T want to see a breast at any turn. Just one!! They may SAY they don't want to see it, but we all know they are full of SHIT.)

Another mother, Kelly Wheatley, wrote Babytalk to applaud the cover, precisely because, she says, it helps educate people that breasts are more than sex objects. And yet Wheatley, 40, who's still nursing her 3-year-old daughter, rarely breast-feeds in public, partly because it's more comfortable in the car, and partly because her husband is uncomfortable with other men seeing her breast.

(People NEED to be educated on this. However, feeding your 3 year old, IS CREEPY. LOL. See previous post!)

"Men are very visual," says Wheatley, 40, of Amarillo, Texas. "When they see a woman's breast, they see a breast regardless of what it's being used for."
(RIGHT! But it isn't the MEN who are complaining about the magazine cover!!)

Babytalk editor Susan Kane says the mixed response to the cover clearly echoes the larger debate over breast-feeding in public. "There's a huge Puritanical streak in Americans," she says, "and there's a squeamishness about seeing a body part even part of a body part."
(What? Dude, even the Amish folk aren't Puritanical anymore. Give me a BREAK!)

"It's not like women are whipping them out with tassels on them!" she adds. "Mostly, they are trying to be discreet."
(Nah. We leave that tassel shit to Madonna....)

Kane says that since the August issue came out last week, the magazine has received more than 700 letters more than for any article in years.

"Gross, I am sick of seeing a baby attached to a boob," wrote Lauren, a mother of a 4-month-old.
( I am sick of seeing Paris Hiltons skanky mug all over the place too. NEWSFLASH! Don't buy/read that issue then, you ass!)

The evidence of public discomfort isn't just anecdotal. In a survey published in 2004 by the American Dietetic Association, less than half 43 percent of 3,719 respondents said women should have the right to breast-feed in public places.

The debate rages at a time when the celebrity-mom phenomenon has made breast-feeding perhaps more public than ever. Gwyneth Paltrow, Brooke Shields, Kate Hudson and Kate Beckinsale are only a few of the stars who've talked openly about their nursing experiences.

The celeb factor has even brought a measure of chic to that unsexiest of garments: the nursing bra. Gwen Stefani can be seen on a site with a self-explanatory name sporting a leopard-print version from lingerie line Agent Provocateur. And fellow moms recognized a white one under Angelina Jolie's tank top on the cover of People. (Katie Holmes, meanwhile, suffered a maternity wardrobe malfunction when cameras caught her, nursing bra open and peeking out of her shirt, while on the town with fiance Tom Cruise.)

(You can bet your ASS that if people found out that the boob on the cover of that magazine belonged to Angelina, magazine sales would SHOOT through the roof! Zang!!)

More seriously, the social and medical debate has intensified. The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services recently concluded a two-year breast-feeding awareness campaign including a TV ad criticized as over-the-top even by some breast-feeding advocates in which NOT breast-feeding was equated with the recklessness of a pregnant woman riding a mechanical bull.
(Um, yeah, that's a little much.)

There have been other measures to promote breast-feeding: in December, for example, Massachusetts banned hospitals from giving new mothers gift bags with free infant formula, a practice opponents said swayed some women away from nursing.
(People still should have the choice. Here is another case of the government butting in where they should not...)

Most states now have laws guaranteeing the right to breast-feed where one chooses, and when a store or restaurant employee denies a woman that right, it has often resulted in public protests known as "nurse-ins": at a Starbucks in Miami, at Victoria's Secret stores in Racine, Wis., and Boston, and, last year, outside ABC headquarters in New York, when Barbara Walters made comments on "The View" seen by some women to denigrate breast-feeding in public.

"It's a new age," says Melinda Johnson, a registered dietitian and spokesperson for ADA. "With the government really getting behind breast-feeding, it's been a jumping-off point for mothers to be politically active. Mommies are organizing. It's a new trend to be a mommy activist."
( I am all for generating awareness, but some people just take it too far...)

Ultimately, it seems to be a highly personal matter. Caly Wood says she's "all for breast-feeding in public." She recalls with a shudder the time she sat nursing in a restaurant booth, and another woman walked by, glanced over and said, "Ugh, gross."

"My kid needed to eat," says the 29-year-old from South Abingdon, Mass. And she wasn't going to go hide in a not-so-clean restroom: "I don't send people to the bathroom when THEY want to eat," she says.

But Rebekah Kreutz thinks differently. One of six women who author SisterhoodSix, a blog on mothering issues, Kreutz didn't nurse her two daughters in public, and doesn't really feel comfortable seeing others do it.

"I respect it and think women have the right," says Kreutz, 34, of Bozeman, Mont. "But personally, it makes me really uncomfortable."

"I just think it's one of those moments that should stay between a mother and her child."
(That is fine. But why should the rest of the world conform to what YOU think?? )

Copyright 2006 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Which boob do you want? !

So, no more pieces. :O(
I never thought I would be so sad over something so gross. LOL

I met with Maya's future pediatrician today. I liked him. He came highly recommended by my OB. When I told him that, he looked at the paper I had just filled out, saw who my OB is, and said "Oh, yes, she brings her two children here!" Good enough for her? Good enough for me!

I was reading through some message boards earlier. I came across a post where a gal asked "At what point does breastfeeding become creepy?" Everyone jumped all over her, telling her that in no way is breastfeeding every creepy. Well, I agree with that, to a certain extent.

But I can remember one time that I found it...creepy. It was about 16 years ago. My sister had just had her first daughter and we went to the beach. B was sleeping in her playpen, and my sister and I were shootin' the breeze. Then we saw it. An older woman, whipping out her boobs and ASKING the child which boob he wanted. The kid responded by pointing and saying "That one..."

My sister and I just looked at each other, mouths agape. I also took notice at that point that the child had on a diaper. We started saying things like "Oh he must be a lot older than he looks.." etc. No. We thought he was about 5 or 6. We asked the woman at one point how old he was. He was 6.

SIX, in a diaper and STILL breastfeeding.

Sorry, but that classifies as creepy in my book. Not because I think it was sexual in any way, or anything like that. I do not believe it was. It just seemed so WRONG to me. I mean, most people, upon seeing a child that age with a bottle, would be like WTF?? I guess it is just a matter of personal opinion. My sister emailed me the other day asking me if I remembered that day, and it gave me a good chuckle..
It is hard to forget something like that!

I plan to breastfeed. I am going to give it a shot, anyway. If for some reason it doesn't work out, then it doesn't. If it does, great! I will try to keep up until shes 6 to 9 months old or so, or until she bites me, whichever comes first!

Tuesday, July 25, 2006


Ok ok, so I HAVE to keep posting here because my sisters and some friends up north use this site to keep up with whats happening.

So. I had an appt. today with my OB. She checked me and said everything is still closed up tight. The baby has dropped though, as evidenced by my measurement this week. Last week I measured in between 36 and 37 weeks, this week I am measuring in at around 34 to 35 weeks. This would explain my achin' pelvic region...

After my last visit, I had some spotting. After this visit, it is...well...different. I am going to get gross here so bear with me. I just went potty, and there were like..pieces in the toilet when I was done. Itty bitty pieces, but definitely pieces of something, not just spotting on the old drawers or toilet paper. Eeee!!

I figure because I am so ready to have this child that I am just grasping at straws here, or maybe its the old plug about to blow? That would rock.

Just wishful thinking on my part... *sigh*

Things on the homefront are much better after some much needed, in-depth conversation yesterday. I am waiting now for him to get in from work so we can chow a yummy dinner ( i am soooo hungry ) and watch a few episodes of House, MD. I wanna tell him about my pieces, but I think it may gross him out.. LOL

Monday, July 24, 2006

Done. Over and out.

Ok, well..I have made the decision to shut it down here. Got someone hitting the site that I do NOT want here.
So...if you wanna know where I will be, send me an email, or leave a comment and I will email you as soon as I get another domain and all that.
May not be right away..I cannot seem to decided on a good domain name. Or at least a good one thats not freakin taken already... will be going bubeye too. Now worries though, if I have the baby before I get setup somewhere else, I can email updates if you would like..again specify whether or not you wanna be bothered with my emails if I do not have another site in place!

I will also be putting photos of Maya up on Flickr for my extended family up north, if you are in my friends and family group, you will be able to view them. If you aren't and want to be, let me know and I can add you. My Flickr ID is jhenderson.

Its been fun. Thanks for all of your support, comments, and well..thanks for reading. See you on the flip side..!!

(email is jenDOThendersonATgmailDOTcom)

Sunday, July 23, 2006


Big time.
Over the last few years I have tolerated mess and clutter less and less. So I didn't think this nesting thing would really manifest itself in me.

Whoa..was I wrong.

Yesterday, instead of sitting around and feeling sorry for myself, I cleaned. My kitchen is CLEAN. You could eat off of the floor, swear ta shit...
I rearranged cabinets, I organized and tossed out old stuffs. Now that everything is painted, I can hang things back up on the walls. I still have to clean the dining room and clean the floors, but one thing at a time.

Hubby and I aren't even dealing with each other at this point. He knows I am miffed. And he doesn't seem to care really. So...pfft. Whatever.

I guess pregnancy has made me look worse than I thought, because he doesn't even LOOK at me these days. I made a comment yesterday about how I guess our sex life is over for now, and he said that hes afraid hes going to hurt the baby. Riiight. He KNOWS he isn't going to hurt the baby. Again, whatever.

I have had enough of feeling like this. I never thought in a million years that things would be this way between us. Our relationship has always been so...magical. So electric.


Saturday, July 22, 2006


I woke up this morning REALLY depressed. I just want to cry.
AS soon as we found out we were pregnant, my husband went looloo...he bought me a new truck,so that the baby and I would have all the room we need (I had an Eclipse...). Then he decided it was time to get that new kitchen we wanted. From there it went on to the new bathroom we needed. Next up was new flooring, not just in the babys room, but the whole house. After that it was "Well, might as well paint the interior!"

I am greatful for all that we have done to the house. And the above is not really a complaint. I am glad that he wants this place to be nice for me and Maya.

I am getting closer to my due date. I know that it could still be weeks before she arrives. I also know that it could be tomorrow, yah know? And I just want some time with him. I want his undivided attention on ME. I am starved for it actually.

Since he was diagnosed with bipolar, it is almost like I don't exist. At least that is how I feel. I spend all my time making sure everything is just so for him. I make sure that he goes to bed and gets up at the same time every day, I make sure that he takes his meds and that he is eating right. One of the meds hes on makes him dopey and sleepy by the end of the day. Actually, he is over medicated, but there really does not seem to be much that we can do about it because he has so much wrong with him...I see to it that he gets to bed without injuring himself... (yes, it is that bad..)

So, when he jumped out of bed at 6 am this morning, and I didnt even get so much as a 'good morning', no kiss, no nothing, I got a bit miffed yah know? He decided he had to get up to start replacing all of the switches and outlets in the house, as well as all of the AC vents...

It is exhausting. I just can't keep up any more. And I don't know how I am going to do it once Maya is here.

He got mad at me when he asked me what was wrong and I told him that I really needed some time with him, his attention on me. He got mad and asked me who in the hell I thought he was doing all of this for...?

I guess for as much as I don't want to be ungreatful, I really am...

This is going to sound sooo lame, but all I really want or need, is a fucking hug...
I have to ASK him for hugs and kisses, because hes going a thousand miles an hour all of the time and I just seem to be in his way.


Thursday, July 20, 2006


Ok. I am SO ready. NOW.

My feet no longer look like my feet. And I no longer have ankles....They have swelled so much that they HURT.

When I was at the Docs the other day, she asked me about the swelling, and I gleefully told her "No swelling!"

That's what I get! pffft.

I have officially reached 'miserable'. Bring ON the CHILDBIRTH.


( and yes, that is BLUE nail polish.. you know, for the 4th of July! I haven't been able to get to them to take it off. :OP )

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

And NOW... !!

a few of my maternity portraits! Man. I have had these sitting here for weeks. I suck.
People have been emailing me, asking me where in the hell they are, and I REALLY have been meaning to just put them up. I am a lump, what can I say?

Many MANY thanks go out to my good friend Robyn. She is my personal photographer. *winks*

She is amazing. I am beyond greatful that I have her to do this for me. I am SO lucky, because as you can see, she does a far better job than those 'other' places can do.

These are just a few. Todd and I have chosen some other ones as well, but those have yet to be touched up...when they are, I will post them for you to see! Enjoy!

My Mom knitted those booties for Maya.... :O)


This is my favorite so far!!

Theres a babeh in there! lol

Amazingly beautiful, no?
She has agreed to photograph Maya once she arrives! I have already removed all decor from my living room to my dining room, so that all of the wall space in there can be dedicated to the hanging of the photographs!!

Thanks again, Rob. It was a seriously wonderful experience and I cannot WAIT to see what you do once she is actually here!!! eeeeeee!!!

tick tick tick tick...

That ticker up know..the one that tells me that I only have TWENTY THREE DAYS freaking me OUT.


While I am SO ready to meet her, I am not. The house is still being painted. It should be done by Friday. Which means I have a weekend of cleaning to do because this place is under a layer of dust. AGAIN. ( I am NOT complaining. Much. lol )

Her room is still in disarray. While I have this urgent urgency to clean and organize, I just don't have the oomph to actually get anything accomplished. I NEED to get some laundry done today, as well as get Maya's room uncluttered. I have been trying to get to the grocery store for a week now too, so I gotta get that in today as well, or we don't eat. Guh.

What I REALLY want to do, is crawl back into bed for a looong nap. Which WILL occur at some point today... :O)

23 days. Oy.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Week 36

Almost 37 weeks. Eek. I had a doctors appointment today. The first thing the gal taking my bp said was "Well, you are almost there! If you go into labor now, no one will try to stop yah!" woot. :O)

Blood pressure was good, cervix is still closed up like Ft. Knox... booo! I didn't really expect it to be any different though. *sigh* Aaaand I gained 3 pounds. Good LORD get the ice cream OUT of this house. Oy. Three pounds. In ONE week people.


We registered to have her cord blood stored. There are LOTS of health issues on my Dads side of the family (autoimmune issues and heart problems galore), and I just feel a whoooole lot better in maybe having the potential there for help if something were to arise. I know it is no guarantee, but at this point its huge in the 'piece of mind' department!

So, that is that. Until next time.........

Monday, July 17, 2006


Eek. She was only 4 days ahead of me as far as our pregnancies went. And she just had her babeh!! All of a sudden this is like...REAL. REALLY REAL. Hah.

With my luck though, I will go to 4372 weeks, you watch. Even though I am so ready. I am willing labor at every turn... *sigh*

Congrats Pammers. I can't wait to see him!!

Thursday, July 13, 2006

She's only happy when she's dancin'!


She keeps plopping her butt out. At least I think it's her butt. I HOPE it is her butt. LOL

I get all lopsided, and it is SO uncomfortable. Yet I love it. I love feeling her movements. I am getting anxious to meet her. I am not as anxious about delivery as I was a few months ago. I mean, it IS going to happen, one way or another yah know? lol

We have a lot going on here, and I worry how it is all going to affect her. How is her finally being here going to affect us? I do NOT do well when I don't get enough sleep. I have always been that way and it was the number one reason that I never wanted kids.
I get migraines, sometimes I will run a is really odd. It goes far beyond just being tired. *shrugs*

Everyone keeps telling me to get as much sleep as I can now. How? Do you have ANY idea how much shit I still have to do before she gets here? Guh!

Annnywaaaay....I was just sitting here at the computer for a moment, and she started dancin' so I thought I would post a little something. I will post again after my appointment on Tuesday!

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

rollin' rollin' rollin'!

She has found my ribcage. Oy.
She woke me around 4 am, and has been almost non stop all day! I am STILL waiting for her to settle down so I can go to bed!!

I had a Doc appointment today. He didn't check my cervix, said that can wait til next week, but I got the strep swab, THAT was fun. *rolls eyes*

I am getting anxious. About so many things. I will post about it later though cause damn I am tired...


Sunday, July 09, 2006

Getting closer..

We took a tour of the hospital today. I have to say I was WAY impressed. Wow. What a nice know, for a hospital and all. There was one little guy in the nursery. He was so wee, so perfect. Not too skinny and not too fat. He was perfect. He had a full head of hair and he was just absolutely precious. *sigh* I still cannot get over the fact that there is one of those things inside of me. LMAO!!

I cannot believe how much she kicks and moves around. It amazes me every single day.
I really cannot wait to meet her.


Thursday, July 06, 2006

Heading into Week 35 *gulp*

Today has been so weird. I have not felt right all damned day. I have been really lightheaded and I feel like someone is sitting on my chest. I cannot seem to get a full breath. My chest and neck have felt tight at times, and my heart feels as if it is skipping a beat now and then. I can feel it fluttering too, which I HATE.

I will have to call my Doc tomorrow if I still feel like this. Any of you ever experience anything like this?

Maya has always been facing my left side. That is where all the kicks and punches have been, until the last few days. It is all on the other side now. And I have been getting a lot more movement down low, lots of punching going on, I guess. LOL

I am SO tired of peeing. Good LORD the peeing. Hah.

I am getting really uncomfy. I really don't want to complain so I guess I will shut my cakehole.

Todd and I went out for dinner last night to the Melting Pot. Man I love that place. Nothing like some yummy fondue. MMMMmmmm. We figured it would be the last time we could get out to a place like that for awhile. It was SUCH a nice evening.

I couldn't help but to think that the next time we go there for dinner, we will need a babysitter! eeee!!

A HUGE congratulations goes out to Statia and her Meester....go send love and good vibes!! This is huge, and even though its early on..well...even more of a reason to send good vibes their way.

Sunday, July 02, 2006

40 more days to go. *gulp*

I am so tired today. I cannot seem to get out of my own way. I have not been sleeping much at night. All I do is toss and turn, and then I usually have to get up. I spend an hour or so trying to snooze on the couch, due to the unrelenting heartburn/indigestion.

Last night for dinner I had a peanut butter sammich on wheat, some pears and a glass of milk. I was in misery at around 2:45 this morning. How much more bland can I get??? Argh.

And trying to sleep on the couch is a futile effort as I get deluged with cats the minute I sit down. I know they mean well, but damn!

The baby is so active today. Shes been kicking and rolling around in there for hours now. I have been having Braxtons all day, off and on, too.

Which is neat because it is probably the only time in my life where my gut will be nice and hard. ;O)

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