Monday, August 28, 2006
Finally (part 1)
Wednesday morning when the alarm went off (at 4freakingo'clock), I awoke to a wicked dry mouth. Of course. Because I cannot have anything to drink! I was even told not to swallow any water when brushing my teeth. Ugh. I cheated and sucked on a small ice cube that I plucked from the bunch while filling a cooler with...water!
My Mom had spent the night, and followed us to the hospital. I drove. I was getting too nervous to be the passenger. I have never had any kind of surgery before. I was fine with it all until Wednesday morning. Then the thoughts of someone cutting me open, while I am awake started to leave me feeling a wee bit unsettled, to say the least.
When we got to the hospital, Heather was there waiting for us, snapping pictures as we walked in. I checked in at the front desk and was immediately taken back to pre-op. I didn't even get to say anything to Todd who was busy digging out the video camera. I knew I would see him in a bit, so I didn't panic...
Once back there, I had to change into a gown, pee, get an IV, get hooked up to all the stuff that they hook you up to when having surgery. I met the anesthesiologist (from this point forward known as the spinal guy...that is much easier to type out!), who asked me if I had any questions. I did not. Then they brought my family back. So there we are, me in bed with my ass hanging out the back of a hospital gown, Heather who graciously covered said ass, my Mom, Todd and eventually his parents. When one of the O/R nurses came in, she was surprised to find so many people! Doc M came by and asked if we were ready to have a baby. You could feel the electricity in that little curtained area rise considerably! Every one was so excited. I was too, but suddenly felt as if I was going to hurl...
I got lots of hugs and kisses and good lucks, and was on my way. As they wheeled me down the hall, I couldn't help but to cry, as thoughts of my Dad started creeping in.
As they wheeled me around the corner, I felt the temperature drop considerably. What is up with that?? It was freaking cold... Anyway, we get in there, I get off the bed and onto the operating table. A nurse comes over to me and braces me, telling me how I need to be still blah blah. Spinal guy comes over and I tell him to just do what he's gotta do, I don't need a play by play.
I got the play by play anyway. Ugh. So he numbs the area and starts to do his thing. Only he cannot get it where it needs to go. I feel pain shooting down to my butt and it made me jerk a little. It was totally involuntary. He asks what is wrong and so I told him, he gave me more numbing stuffs and then I heard him ask for a smaller needle. About 20 seconds later he told me that I should start to feel it right away.
What an odd feeling. I immediately got warm. Again this brought about thoughts of my Dad. I remember when he used to have his tests done on his heart, and they would shoot die into his heart, his heart would pump once and he would get all warm. The first time the did this to him, he thought he wet himself lol. And I thought the same thing. I said "Ut oh, I think I just peed!" LOL
The nurse assured me that I did not, and they swung my legs up on the table and I laid down. The pins and needles portion of this whole thing SUCKED. I HATE pins and needles. Thankfully it did not last long at all.
Now, I really do not like any part of me being numb. So what did I do? I tried to move my leg. And it freaked me the hell out! Spinal guy was now talking to me, telling me that I needed to relax. The nurse, who had braced me during the spinal, says to me "We had to give you something to up your blood pressure..." Spinal says "And now its going too high.."
Well, it was going too high because I could feel the numbness moving up into my chest, arms and hands and I was starting to panic. I felt as if I couldn't breathe. Again with the thoughts of my Dad. I could not help but wonder if that is what is was like for him, not being able to breathe. Ugh. What an AWFUL feeling.
Spinal came over and put his fingers in my hand and asked me to squeeze, which I did, despite the friggin' pins and needles. He then told me that I REALLY needed to relax, and that even though it FELT like I could not breathe, they were monitoring me and I was breathing just fine.
At that point, I got really calm. Instantly. He looked at me and asked if I was ok. I said "Yeah, why?" He just said mumbled something about my bp dropping to normal really fast and walked away, sort of shrugging his shoulders.
This may sound crazy, but THAT was my Dad... The only other time in my whole life that I have felt that, was the day he died. When we got back from Jax, from Marks funeral, to the Hospice where they had taken my Dad that day..and I walked in the room where they had him in a bed, I lost my shit. I seriously thought my heart was going to die right there in that room. I threw myself across him as I cried. I tried real hard to get ahold of myself, and when I pulled away from him, and looked around the room at my family, I sat down. And that same feeling enveloped me.
So, now they bring Todd in. His eyes looked big as saucers to me. He asked me if I was ok, and I said 'Yes, I am fine." He squeezed my hand (argh pins and neeeeedles) and I asked him to please not do that again! I explained why..and we talked like there was not people cutting me open.
When it was time for them to take her out of me, the nurse asked Todd if he would like to see his baby be born, and he jumped up so fast that it scared me! I was really surprised, as he is sorta squeamish. He watched them take her out, and he gasped "OMG! She's beautiful!!!" He reached down and squeezed me hand again, but this time I didn't care. My gaze was fixed on the nurse who was holding up my screaming daughter for me to see. My eyes filled with tears, I squeezed Todds hand, and then I asked if there was anyone else in there being operated on. I got a lot of odd looks, then I stated how she was a LOT smaller than I had thought she would be. I said "THAT is what has been kicking the crap out of me for the last 2 months??" That got some laughs, and Doc M peered over the drape and says to me "Yuh, she is a lot smaller than I thought too!!"
So, the nurses were cleaning her off and doing all that stuff they do to newborns, then they swaddled her and brought her to us. They put her in my arms, and I lost it. I could barely see her through the tears. They let Todd and I spend almost 10 minutes with her before they all left for the nursery. At this point I am almost sure they hit me with the morphine because I started to feel REALLY high. One of the nurses saw my fighting to keep my eyes open, and she told me to go ahead and take a nap. So I did. Although I could hear everything that was going on around me. It was odd.
Doc M was calling my name, and I struggled to open my eyes. He congratulated me, told me that I was good to go to recovery and wished me the best. So off to recovery....and the rest will have to wait because Maya is finally asleep and I need to go to bed now!!
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